Monthly Archives: June 2013

Supporting the Unsupported: Dollars for Daughters

It’s been four years and still I remember the cold sweats caused by fear/freaking out/anxiety/shame/fillintheblank when I told my parents I left a letter for them to read after staying at their house one weekend.  The note was my un-confrontational attempt to come out.

I wasn’t worried about my dad – I think he silently knew all along (he jokingly swears he thought he’d pass a “gay gene” to my brother and I), it was my mom’s reaction that petrified me.  The fear that consumed me stemmed from her anticipated rejection, which served true.  I remember feeling 100% prepared when she paused communication with me after reading the letter. Although she had plenty of signs, I’m sure it was a devastating pill to swallow. Most momma’s (especially the church-grown-christian kind like mine) wants their kid to be “normal” and for their little girls to blossom into soft and patient women that marry well and manage a home, children, and a anything else that might come her way.  Unfortunately, my mom can’t see that I’m no different – except the traditional marriage part (and maybe I’m a little strong willed, too).

Cutting to my point, I came across a local campaign called Dollars for Daughters that brought emotions of maternal rejection back to me.  This cause was started by Abby and her wife Jesse when Abby’s mother updated her profile picture to read “I support the Biblical Definition of Marriage” when her daughter (and millions of other folks around the world) changed profile pictures to the red HRC logo in support of gay marriage.

Screen Shot 2013-06-07 at 6.20.52 PM copyIf there’s something that’s jerked my heart recently (besides recent episodes of The Little Couple) it’s this.  Whether you’re a mom, daughter, son, uncle, brother, etc. the support of your LGBTQ loved one, family member, or friend is the best thing. Ever.  The pain of intentional anger, embarrassment, and disapproval is devastating, especially from your own parent.

Jess and Abby’s campaign, Dollars for Daughters accept donations (even little as $10) to support LGBTQ efforts in the community.  If its the good karmic payback, the fact you can donate as much as two Starbucks lattes will cost you, or that you just want to support something good, do it or read about it here.

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A Happy Medium

UnicornWe’d thought making new [quality] friends would be simple.  Unfortunately, for my lady and I, it’s proved far more difficult than we imagined.  Not sure how many times we’ve wondered out loud “they have to be somewhere” “I know they’re here” … like we’re searching for a mystical unicorn.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Debbie Downer and I’m not desperate.  I have amazing friends (one I believe I was born in this lifetime just to be her soul sister) but they all live over a thousand miles away.  I talk to them often, but my phone is a mediocre substitution for connection, random adventures, and having an excuse to drink at 12 pm on Saturdays.  I also have a few friends here and there, but not folks I’d consider a true friend.

The older I get and the more years that I’m with my girlfriend (going on 4 now, that’s 11 in lesbian years), I’d gladly pass on acquaintance-like friends and invest my time into getting to know someone or a couple who’s worth that investment and vice versa. This is the hard part if you’re fairly new to a city, especially the city I live in where nearly every person belongs to a clique – branded and sworn, not to let any outsiders in.

The local lesbian bar is a perfect example.  Nestled in the small space, nearly every Saturday night, you’ve got the sporty dykes, the ghetto-fabuluous ladies, the 50-something’s, and then there’s the Richmond lesbian clan (as my girlfriend and I like to call them).  This group is everywhere (yes, mostly group sporting events and drinking establishments) and we even know a couple of these.  Apparently it’s an exclusive group (ha) … almost humorous, high school never (ever) ends.

Oh don’t get me wrong, we’ve found a few “friends”. One couple (we were beaming with overrated excitement when we met them), seemed aligned with our sense of humor and relationship dynamic. Too good to be true.  After exchanging numbers, we quickly realized we met the “flaky couple” – making plans and not following through.  We’ve also met a few crazy people – gay and straight. Why is it so difficult? We’re not asking for much, just a happy medium – a couple of good people to get to know and grow with.

Maybe we seem unapproachable … too many arm crossings and whispered conversations (that’d be a lot since I’m basically deaf) might give us a snob-like facade? Not going to the right places?  We’re everywhere , living life (unlike some lesbians who can’t seem to budge from one another’s vagina) – vacations out of the state, inside the state, at the Farmer’s Market, trips to Home Depot, volunteering, gays bars, straight bars, church … seriously.

After opening our minds and letting go of a wild goose chase, we’re letting everything be.  I know good people are out there.

And I’m sure they’re just like us, wondering where the hell we are.

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