We’d thought making new [quality] friends would be simple. Unfortunately, for my lady and I, it’s proved far more difficult than we imagined. Not sure how many times we’ve wondered out loud “they have to be somewhere” “I know they’re here” … like we’re searching for a mystical unicorn.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Debbie Downer and I’m not desperate. I have amazing friends (one I believe I was born in this lifetime just to be her soul sister) but they all live over a thousand miles away. I talk to them often, but my phone is a mediocre substitution for connection, random adventures, and having an excuse to drink at 12 pm on Saturdays. I also have a few friends here and there, but not folks I’d consider a true friend.
The older I get and the more years that I’m with my girlfriend (going on 4 now, that’s 11 in lesbian years), I’d gladly pass on acquaintance-like friends and invest my time into getting to know someone or a couple who’s worth that investment and vice versa. This is the hard part if you’re fairly new to a city, especially the city I live in where nearly every person belongs to a clique – branded and sworn, not to let any outsiders in.
The local lesbian bar is a perfect example. Nestled in the small space, nearly every Saturday night, you’ve got the sporty dykes, the ghetto-fabuluous ladies, the 50-something’s, and then there’s the Richmond lesbian clan (as my girlfriend and I like to call them). This group is everywhere (yes, mostly group sporting events and drinking establishments) and we even know a couple of these. Apparently it’s an exclusive group (ha) … almost humorous, high school never (ever) ends.
Oh don’t get me wrong, we’ve found a few “friends”. One couple (we were beaming with overrated excitement when we met them), seemed aligned with our sense of humor and relationship dynamic. Too good to be true. After exchanging numbers, we quickly realized we met the “flaky couple” – making plans and not following through. We’ve also met a few crazy people – gay and straight. Why is it so difficult? We’re not asking for much, just a happy medium – a couple of good people to get to know and grow with.
Maybe we seem unapproachable … too many arm crossings and whispered conversations (that’d be a lot since I’m basically deaf) might give us a snob-like facade? Not going to the right places? We’re everywhere , living life (unlike some lesbians who can’t seem to budge from one another’s vagina) – vacations out of the state, inside the state, at the Farmer’s Market, trips to Home Depot, volunteering, gays bars, straight bars, church … seriously.
After opening our minds and letting go of a wild goose chase, we’re letting everything be. I know good people are out there.
And I’m sure they’re just like us, wondering where the hell we are.