Category Archives: Lesbian Opinion

A Happy Medium

UnicornWe’d thought making new [quality] friends would be simple.  Unfortunately, for my lady and I, it’s proved far more difficult than we imagined.  Not sure how many times we’ve wondered out loud “they have to be somewhere” “I know they’re here” … like we’re searching for a mystical unicorn.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Debbie Downer and I’m not desperate.  I have amazing friends (one I believe I was born in this lifetime just to be her soul sister) but they all live over a thousand miles away.  I talk to them often, but my phone is a mediocre substitution for connection, random adventures, and having an excuse to drink at 12 pm on Saturdays.  I also have a few friends here and there, but not folks I’d consider a true friend.

The older I get and the more years that I’m with my girlfriend (going on 4 now, that’s 11 in lesbian years), I’d gladly pass on acquaintance-like friends and invest my time into getting to know someone or a couple who’s worth that investment and vice versa. This is the hard part if you’re fairly new to a city, especially the city I live in where nearly every person belongs to a clique – branded and sworn, not to let any outsiders in.

The local lesbian bar is a perfect example.  Nestled in the small space, nearly every Saturday night, you’ve got the sporty dykes, the ghetto-fabuluous ladies, the 50-something’s, and then there’s the Richmond lesbian clan (as my girlfriend and I like to call them).  This group is everywhere (yes, mostly group sporting events and drinking establishments) and we even know a couple of these.  Apparently it’s an exclusive group (ha) … almost humorous, high school never (ever) ends.

Oh don’t get me wrong, we’ve found a few “friends”. One couple (we were beaming with overrated excitement when we met them), seemed aligned with our sense of humor and relationship dynamic. Too good to be true.  After exchanging numbers, we quickly realized we met the “flaky couple” – making plans and not following through.  We’ve also met a few crazy people – gay and straight. Why is it so difficult? We’re not asking for much, just a happy medium – a couple of good people to get to know and grow with.

Maybe we seem unapproachable … too many arm crossings and whispered conversations (that’d be a lot since I’m basically deaf) might give us a snob-like facade? Not going to the right places?  We’re everywhere , living life (unlike some lesbians who can’t seem to budge from one another’s vagina) – vacations out of the state, inside the state, at the Farmer’s Market, trips to Home Depot, volunteering, gays bars, straight bars, church … seriously.

After opening our minds and letting go of a wild goose chase, we’re letting everything be.  I know good people are out there.

And I’m sure they’re just like us, wondering where the hell we are.

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V.D. (fast and quick)

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Valentines Day … or what I call, “straight people holiday”.

I’ve heard rumors that gay V.D. is celebrated the day after  – whether this is true or not, my lady and I refuse to devote a day to “our love” (that should be everyday … right?!).

Instead, we’ll watch all of our straight friends become mildly disappointed when their high expectation gift (Jared, Edible Arrangement, Victoria’s Secret) aren’t met by their man.

You know that passive aggressive, “I’m really not expecting anything for Valentines Day but I can’t believe he got me BLANK or he didn’t get me shit”

Sheesh.

I’m not a Valentine sadist, promise.  I’m sure I’ll do something crafty (last minute, sketch or painting) to make her partake in a little Valentine joy but that’s something I’d do anyways.  I don’t need a Hallmark holiday to prove my adoration for my amazing girlfriend.

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Roommate, how awkward.

Rainbow RoommatesLike clockwork, this Holiday season was full of non-stop chaos.  I baked, wrapped, decorated, shopped (ugh), worked, and even found time to hit the gym.

My girlfriend and I didn’t get many chances to unwind and connect during the “most romantic holiday” (I’m sure that’s what Cosmo or some lame magazine calls it).  When we did get a few moments to embrace some type of sane-ness, a quick jolt from our wrestling dogs snapped us back into reality.

Even though my family’s over 1,000 miles away, I was happily welcomed and incorporated into my girlfriend’s big family Christmas Eve shindig at her Grandparents.  Trust me, this isn’t as awkward as you’d think.  Luckily for me, my girlfriend’s mom is pretty vocal (this is kind of an understatement) so all her aunts, uncles, and cousins know about our lesbianness. Except the grandparents. I’m pretty tolerable with this, but isn’t it awkward that I magically show up at close family gatherings?  Oh look it’s Aliese’s roommate again!

“Roommate”, otherwise known to the gays as the #1 title given to partners, girlfriends, and boyfriends when others find themselves in awkward explanations during introductions.

Hey, it’s not so bad…right?  A believable, quick fix title to make hetero and older generation folks feel your relationship is permissible. Ok, it sucks – but, sometimes (very rarely) I think I’d prefer another “roommate” introduction to avoid another uncomfortable and controversial altercation.   I’ve had one of these before, it’s not pretty.

Down the road, is the roommate title still going to hold validity when I’m still showing up to family Christmas, when  both have rings on our fingers, or a baby in my belly?  Can the whole co-habitation myth still exist?  It’s really not up to me, it’s on all the people that give us this falsified title.

So, I’ll redefine the noun for the rest of us…

Roommate [room-meyt] – It’s legitimate until a certain point.

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Guy: “If you ever turn straight, let me know”

My lady and I made an appearance at a co-worker’s party a couple of weeks ago.  After a few Legend Brown Ale’s (out of a keg, Solo cup style), this dreaded phrase was said.

“Ladies, you ARE the most beautiful lesbians ever.  My god. You know, if you ever turn straight, let me know”

Ah, if I had a dollar for every time I heard this type of statement (sometimes a question, i.e. “Are you SURE you’re a lesbian?  Certain?”) I would’ve been able to purchase the Lesbaru I longed for instead of the mediocre Hyundai.

This time was a little different because the guy was saying this to me and my girlfriend.  I had yet to experience this ridiculousness with her by my side … until now.  I didn’t know whether to burst into laughter or explode with a slew of sharp-tongued, complex words he’d ever understand (or remember).

Instead, I collected myself, smiled, and assured him I’d never become straight (and the same went for my lady). I also shouted “vote for equality” as we left the party and laughed about it the whole way home.

If we didn’t laugh, we’d just become bitter.  A part of me is silently bitter though.

Just because I look “normal” girls do, doesn’t earn entitlement for “bros” to boldly declare these moronic remarks.  I pride myself on being fairly selective in regards to making friends and picking places to hang out, so I haven’t faced this type of situation in a while.

I don’t anticipate a future where femme, pretty, or any lesbians [for that matter] to go a year without one of these awkward, annoying, and brainless comments.

I guess I’ve just embraced it.

I’ll call it “character building”.

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